Monthly Recap: May 2019 – May brings many things! My grandmother and I both have birthdays in May (she’s the 25th, I’m the 26th). The third annual Edmonton Fibre Frolic happens on the 25th (I didn’t get to make it down due to it being my grandmother’s birthday). It is starting to get too hot here for me, anything over 10°C has me melting into a puddle. Flowers are in bloom, including one of my favorites Lillies! Curt picked some from the garden and had them next to my bed when I woke up on my birthday (because he truly is the sweetest!). The scent of lilies brings me instant joy.

What have I been working on this month?
  • I’ve written the remaining 5 shawls for the Eternal collection! Now it’s just a matter of knitting up the samples and getting it out to the test team. I’ve cast on the third of the series, using Ancient Arts Revival. All the shawls in the Eternal collection will be on this base.
  • I’ve put in a considerable chunk of effort to get some lingering WIPs off the needles. Curt’s pair of Back to Basics; Socks are off the needles, and I ventured into sleeve island with his Brookings Crew (the color is amazeballs on him!). I have one more sleeve to go and should be done by next month (hopefully I’ll have ample knitting time after we unpack!).
  • Wrote a collaboration pattern with Biscotte yarn featuring their Flamingo colorway, which will be exclusive to biscotti for the next 6 months.
  • I have finished up Pockets Full of Cloves, which features lovely yarn from Gingersnap Yarn. This sock Pattern has headed off to the fantastic test team and will release sometime in June.
  • Summer Whimsy will be heading to testers right away! This new shawl design will feature Log House Cottage’s beautiful Marawi base, which is a light fingering/heavy lace weight yarn.
What yarns have I been using this month?
What else has been going on in my world?
  • I’m still plucking away at Stephen King’s sleep doctor when I do get a quiet moment to myself. Sadly, it’s not all too often lol.
  • We bought a house and took possession on May 30th! Curt and I connect on so many levels, one of which is our love for old buildings. The one we fell in love with was built in 1916. I AM SO SMITTEN WITH IT! It’s in excellent condition, but there’s a bit of work to do. The walls are all different shades of blue right now that I can’t handle lol. With Curt’s amazing woodworking skills and construction background, he’s will be able to tinker happily on things. The staircase is original to the home, and it’s stunning. The stairs feature a lovely peacock etched in the window! There’s a large sunroom off the front of the house. I’m already planning to have my morning coffee, and knitting out on daily, enjoy my slow mornings.
  • My grandmother isn’t accepting the much-needed help she requires from us. The combativeness and constant battles are quite exhausting, to be honest. As such, we will be letting professionals step in, Curt and I will be stepping out of the role of caregivers. It’s impossible for us to provide care for someone who doesn’t know/understand that she needs it, which is taking its toll on us which I’ll explain further down with my mental health struggles.
  • I’ll keep this brief as I tend not to bring my political views into my business – I’ve watched season 2 of The Handmaid’s Tale. Does anyone else feel like that’s what’s starting to happen right not in the US? Women losing their rights everywhere? Whether a person is for or against what’s going on, nobody has the right to dictate what a woman does with her body. It’s a woman’s right to choose. I’ll leave it at that as not to get fired right up!
Podcasts that I’ve been listening to while I work this month
My mental health Struggles
  • Therapy is going well, we have put a bit of a pause on the EMDR stuff though. I’ve become intensely shelled up, which happens when I’m in super hostile environments (similar to how I shelled up and shut down during my last job due to the hostile nonsense). The day in and day out abuse I receive due to my grandmother’s dementia has started taking a severe toll on my mental health.  It’s been triggering PTSD (her outbursts/meltdowns and sense of entitlement for her behavior echo a lot of how my abusive ex was).
  • The constant walking on eggshells has been somewhat exhausted. It has gotten to the point where everything sets my grandmother off – Something as simple as wanting to vacuum, showering, cooking dinner, ensuring Curt has clean laundry, will throw her into a meltdown of attacks. To be able to care for someone else, I do need to be able to take care of myself as well, or I’m not useful to anyone.
  • I’ve become quite snippy with my loved ones due to the constant bombardment of insults and criticism, often unwarranted and unprovoked, which of course I have to apologize for later and try to make amends. I don’t like who this experience is making me become. To avoid such behavior because I’m not handling it well, I’ve been more withdrawn socially (even more so than an introvert like myself is typical)
  • Other symptoms I’ve been enduring since taking on the live-in care role – my migraines have returned. I’m not sleeping well. I lost 15 lbs in my first month doing so due to stress and not eating correctly. I’m always tired. I’ve lost interest in things I usually adore, like knitting, designing, and reading. My attention to detail has diminished.
  • I’ve had quite a few anxiety attacks which leave me physically unable to do anything for a few days due to the pain my body is in afterward (which means less physical knitting. AH!)

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